PFS: Jade Regent

From the Personal Files of Malhon the Red

The Screwball Letters

Addressed to Taranna D’Marr, Sanatarium of the Eternal Rose, Korvosa, Varisia

Dearest Mother,

I apologize that it has been so long since my last letter but since single handedly slaying the Soggy River Monster things have been quite busy. I was awarded numerous medals by the leaders of Sandpoint and was invited to participate in a cartography expedition. Only respectable work for me, so I know you would be proud.

Our group was ambushed by foul goblins which attacked us from all sides. They used witchcraft to entangle everyone in our group but me. I easily escaped but I was embarrassed for the rest, who floundered in the weeds. The goblins also were able to catch some of our wagons and horses on fire. Nikolai, the angry man I told you about, showed no regard for the animals but I made sure to extinguish them even at great risk to myself. I do remember how you love animals.

I also took time to rescue Taika, the dragon-flesh eater, from the snares. You always taught me to be a gentleman. Which I fear could lead to jealously within our ranks. For all the women in our expedition are lovesick for me. They fawn over me and compete for my affections, but I remain untethered by any matrimonial bonds.

Once the goblins were dispatched, I gave long-term care to Tiberiu who was seriously injured. He is a humorless man, though I do like him more than most humans. I sing inspiring songs to him, to give him courage and boost his poor morale. He’s said more than once that I might be one of the best singers in the world. You can thank your friends from the temple of Shelyn for their recent contribution towards my singing lessons.

Next our party encountered an over zealous library official who insisted to search our wagons for a stolen book. Dinilo was eager to argue, but I calmly diffused the confrontation by letting the official know that her fallacious arguments only created a surveillance state. You can see that the money Aunt Malinci gave me for an education was not wasted. We captured the thief and were awarded the key to the city. However, we couldn’t stay long as we had to get back to our mapmaking.

We came to Wolf’s Ear and were greeted with much pomp. The poor farmers sought our assistance against a crooked sheriff. I persuaded the group to not do anything rash or illegal and we shall confront the man lawfully in the morning. I’m sure we shall reach a gracious accord. I have enclosed 11 gold to help with your treatment.

Your loving son,
Malhon

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